Mijn vechtertje

Koud is het gemis
Zo koud dat ik bevries
Mijn hart is een zwart gat
Vol leegte en zo grauw

Het leven is een kado voor mij
Want ik kreeg een tweede kans
Een kado wat ik niet hebben wil
Zonder jou

Lief klein meisje
Waar ben je toch?
Lief klein hummeltje
Je hoort toch zo bij ons

Het weten dat je nooit meer terug komt, is iets wat ik niet accepteren kan
Oh meisje, meisje,
Oh allerliefste… Mijn kleintje

Ik kan alleen maar wensen,
Dat om me heen de mensen
M’n rug rechten
En voor mij vechten

Zodat ik leunen kan op hen
En als ik eenzaam ben
Ik even kan samen kan zijn
Met iemand die mij niet missen kan..
Zoals jij vocht voor papa en mij,
Mijn voorbeeld,
Mijn vechtertje klein.

Keep going on…

Click on the clouds to make it bigger…cloud felinegabrielle feline gabrielle angel missing grieving

An angel is holding you…


feline gabrielle angel mother baby memorial

My only daughter…

I am wondering how you are up there…

Who is your angel that is taking care of you?

Who is holding you, now that I no longer may?

Who is loving you, when no one could love you more than I?

Who is having you close, now that you’re so far from me?

The day I can hold you again, I will love you forever and kiss you more than anything!

Wait for me my precious daughter and send your love from up down to us.

As your father and I cry together every time, we cherish the moments we had with you.

Know that you’re loved forever little baby girl Féline!

What has life to offer now that my greatest gift is gone?

I’m waiting for the future, ask God to send us strength, as this battle is not yet over.

Miss you baby girl, miss you my daughter, miss you my biggest love.

You were the best I ever had and I will never stop loving you.

Oh, how life is challenging me without you here…

I hope you are playing with other baby angels and you feel free!




This is a story about the little friend of Féline, her name is Norah and she is famous !

Féline and Norah were at the same time in the same Hospital in Amsterdam.

Her parents became good friends of us.

This is a Dutch article about her parents and the special Urker day with Urker clothes!

Send them a card to support, the adress is in the article.

Sweet Norah, after 8 months, you deserve it more than ever to go home. Stay strong little girl!



Dear Féline,

Nijntje was on your clothes and in the books we bought to you.
It was the first rabbit you met and the writer was from Utrecht.
Every time I see Nijntje (Miffy in English) I think of you my angel. That’s why I put this little angel of Nijntje in pink on the wall of this Facebook page.
Every day I think of you.
Every day I will love you.
Every day you’re part of me.

Your mommy

Awareness HELLP and Pre-eclampsia

A lot of people ask us what happened during the pregnancy and why so sudden? Pre-eclampsia is more known than the HELLP-syndrome. Both sicknesses can occur during the second halve of pregnancy. Sometimes one of them, sometimes both. HELLP is usually very aggressive and fast, while pre-eclampsia can take weeks before it gets fatal. But every case is different and every pregnancy is unique. It’s important to share the signs of HELLP and preeclampsia because… (!)

500,000 infants and 79,000 mothers die from Preeclampsia and HELLP each year!

And nobody I know really knew the HELLP-syndrome or reconized it with me. Also my own midwife never spoke about it to me or the doctor that we spoke to or the specialist in the hospital that we went to. My pregnancy was in Sweden, you would expect good help and knowledge in Stockholm.

During my pregnancy there were some signs (like a blood test) and contractions in week 23 that were strange and could’ve been seen as signs of maybe a preeclampsia but early stage. Due to my age (27) and my health in general (not overweight, no diabetes), the doctors and midwife trusted my pregnancy enough not to inform me. If they only told me that if my feet or hand would be swollen I should check my blood pressure, I would’ve been so much more aware. So that’s what I would like to share with you today; some awareness about preeclampsia and the signs. They’re often mistaken for a flu or just being pregnant and that it’s part of being pregnant. Awareness safe lifes. There are many stories of men sharing their loss of pregnant mothers and ending up alone with or without the baby. I was in real life danger too and our baby girl was born in week 26,6, after a struggle between life and death I survived the HELLP-syndrome.

HELLP-syndrome stands for; Hemolysis Elevated Liver enzymes and Low Platelets.
Pre-eclampsia causes a high bloodpressure (180/130 with me) and a large amount of protein in urine.
I had both illnesses, probably first Pre-eclampsia and later on also HELLP.

“The mortality rate of HELLP syndrome has been reported to be as high as 25%. That’s why it’s critical for expecting mothers to be aware of the condition and its symptoms so they can receive early diagnosis and treatment.” (www.preeclampsia.org) 

Remember Féline

Today the father of Féline, my fiancé and I went to the grave. We are thinking a lot about what we can do to make the grave a beautiful memory with maybe colored stones and her name for example. We were drawing some ideas together and we planted some bulbs.

Some lines crossed our path today that I would like to share;

– If you mention Féline, we might cry, but if you won’t speak her name; you’ll break our heart.

– We know the reasons why we still can be happy; welcome us with questions and hear us out why we cry.



Every time we go to graveyard, we bring something to put at her little garden as I call it sometimes. The flowers I made look fresh and gives a beautiful feeling of love to her last rest place.
One of my family members made a little bear herself to Féline and painted it too. It’s very personal and it shows that Féline isn’t forgotten. It makes me happy when people show interest and remember her little special life together with us. It’s a warm feeling that Féline brought love to the world and received love from many people. And still today we speak every day about her. There’s not one day I don’t think of her or miss her.

Every now and then I will upload new flowers that I put at Féline her grave. Now I made a beautiful set of flowers with two colors of pink and green. It looks very girly and it can stay for about two weeks on her grave. Inside I have put two angels that my mom (her grandmother) gave me for Féline her graveyard.
I just started to decorate flowered since she passed away. It’s really easy and just doing it makes me feel happy so I can still take care of her last rest place.image